Marilyn's Musings

BOXES

2011-12-12T04:49:00.000-08:00

Recently when someone again used the phrase "outside the box" I thought how many meanings exist for that saying.

For those who use it often, their vision of the box is perhaps uniform for everyone. I suspect, however, that all our boxes are of different sizes and shapes.

To newborn children, boxes are infinite. They are confident that they are the centre of their universes and believe that their every wish will always be fulfilled. They have no doubts, no fears, no lack of self-worth. Even the concept of box is completely foreign. They are absolutely sure that their lives will be filled with joy, adventure and complete freedom.

As children grow, their boxes begin to close in on them. Parents, siblings, friends, teachers and society set out to impose their boundaries, influence with their fears and often, because of their own lack of self worth, introduce children to a path of limiting beliefs about themselves.

The four year old has developed a fairly loose box. He still believes he is the centre of the Universe, but is beginning to run into self-imposed barriers that others have persuaded him are necessary for his safety and socialisation.

At ten, his box has closed in a little more. He often feels stifled by the rules and regulations imposed upon him by others. However, in his effort to keep those around him pleased with his behaviour, he discovers his attempts are doomed. He cannot make everyone happy all of the time. So he discovers the futility of living his life in way that will keep others happy in theirs. He does not yet know that he cannot create circumstances for others. Their unhappiness is entirely their own responsibility.

The teenage box becomes increasingly restricted. Her box is stifling. She is becoming a woman, but family, friends, teachers, and religions will not acknowledge her move away from childhood. Constantly others attempt to control her behaviour and her thoughts. She often finds her own self esteem in a very fragile state. With the onset of dramatic hormonal changes added to the tightening of the reins of society, it is no wonder that teenagers are in rebellion most of the time. They are fighting for their freedom and for their right to live without being trussed up in someone else’s social mores.

Passing through the twenties, thirties, and forties, the box becomes even more restricted. We get tied into certain ways of thinking, feeling, and being. We are dreadfully afraid to actually "step" out of the box. The box becomes almost the safety haven. But it is safety at a very great price. Personal freedom, self love, self trust, and great joy seem to be the sacrifices we pay for "safety".

Finally there comes a day when many us look intently at these boxes and understand they are only virtual barriers, not at all manifested in the physical. To many they seem impenetrable, but to others they are challenges to be torn apart and ripped down.

And thus the boxes begin increasing in size -- moving outward, allowing our freedom and sense of worth to expand within us again. If we are the strong ones who have made the concerted effort to constantly push the limits of the box, we will ultimately notice as we “shuffle off this mortal coil” that we have come full circle. Our boxes have disappeared again.

Now there’s something worth dying for.

The Art of Writing

2011-11-28T18:08:00.000-08:00

Writing is an art! It is an expression of life as the writer sees it, and as such is similar to other arts.

If you think about writing in terms similar to artists who produce works with paints and a variety of other media, it can change your attitude toward your own writing.

Good art? Bad art? When you really think about it there is no such thing. All art is simple different.

Take expressionist painting and recollect everything you have heard said about it. Some artists are hailed as geniuses, some dismissed as wanting, and some are said to be delightfully able to produce such colourful “primitive art”.

And then you hear someone say: “I don’t know anything about art, I just know what I like.” Whether you believe it or not, that is probably the most honest and nonjudgmental statement made.

When I was very young, I loved certain books and artwork and music. As I grew into adulthood I found I preferred other artistic endeavours. My tastes have continued to change and I now find many of those initial expressions of art no longer have the ability to please me. That, I believe, is really the key. Art IS in the eye/ear/mind of the beholder.

This is what makes our world so delicious. We have so many choices of art to choose from, of art to delight in, and even of art to dismiss as not to our liking. None of this art is really any better or worse than any other. We have each developed in a certain social culture that encourages not only our behaviour, but also our tastes.

So be not discouraged if your writing does not win you awards or get published by huge well-known publishers. Does your writing please you? Your mother? Your spouse? Even if it only pleases you, it is good writing.

Do not be discouraged by anyone else if you find writing a joy. It is your expression of who you are, and that is never a bad thing.

The Power of Focus

2011-11-25T14:13:00.000-08:00

A couple of years ago I wrote this article originally when I was beginning a business putting the first of a planned series of e-books on the net. Reading it now, I have concluded that the precepts apply equally today, whether it is starting a business, writing a book, or creating a move, or any new undertaking.

Most of us can probably remember when we had to study for exams in high school, college or university, that it demanded absolute focus to be able to absorb and remember all that we knew we would have to reproduce for the exam.

When we got out into the world, the sense of freedom of being responsible for ourselves, sometimes managed to dull that sense, and we forgot what it takes to focus.

Some of us were forced to regain a certain amount of focus, simply because our jobs demanded it, and we wanted to keep that paycheck.

Starting a business (or a book or a movie) will absolutely force you to get back into focus. If you do not focus in this instance, the likelihood is your project will either never get off the ground, or it will fail early.

Beginning anything brand new can be challenging, but so very rewarding.

There is so much to learn, and so many ways in which to learn what you think you will need. You begin and then find one thing leads to another, then another, then another and so on.

Very often the sheer volume of information, of educational tools, and the technical options that you make use of can be incredibly overwhelming.

Suddenly you feel yourself pulled in a dozen directions. Each time something fresh shows up you rush off in a new direction because it seems like such a great idea. Now you are out of control, off on tangents just like a pin ball machine.

How do you keep on track and keep focussed?

Write down exactly what you want to achieve from your business, your book or your movie.
Write out a vision of it (and post it where you can look at it every day). In the case of a book or a movie, it may be your basic premise.
Write out a mission statement. With the book or the movie, its the synopsis.
Create a time line for the start up.
The time line will give you the ability to list all the items you will need to solve, gather, an to educate yourself about before the business is actually up and running.
Set yourself a date for the actual launch.

This is the “map” of the steps you will need to launch that business, book or movie.

Now comes the discipline.

Everything that comes across your desk, every person whom you meet, every e-mail, every flyer and every phone call can now be weighed against your “map”.

Look at your “map’ carefully as you evaluate each item. Some items can be discarded very quickly. Some may take a little more time to evaluate.

There will be many things that do not fit your map that will, however, excite you. Don’t throw them away. Keep them in a folder (electronic or physical) and mark it “great ideas”. You never know, once your business is up and running and you can turn some of the functions over to others, you may wish to consider starting another business.

Highly entrepreneurial people generally; start businesses, develop the systems that allow them to run smoothly without their own day-to-day involvement, and then use those systems to start other businesses.

Some of the businesses they sell, and some they simply keep.

However, with each new business, they focus on it and only on it, until it is up and running within the systems they have developed.

Watch what these great business people do, and copy their actions. If you need additional help, get a mentor or a business coach to help keep you on track.

Responsibility

2011-07-26T06:45:00.000-07:00

I can hear the groans. Responsibility is such a big word. It seems to demand so much of each of us.

Relax. When I talk about responsibility, I am not talking about “have-tos,” “shoulds” or “duty.” I am talking about being responsible for your own life and for your own actions and reactions. All of us have at one time or another decided to blame others or circumstances for our situation. It’s so common, it seems quite normal.

What we do not understand is that blaming other people or circumstances actually gives away our own power. Ugh! When we take back the responsibility for our own lives, we also take back our power.

Our biggest challenge in keeping our power is taking responsibility for ALL the things that happen in our life.

Surely we cannot be responsible for the car accident, or somebody being rude to us? Surely we cannot be responsible for a lover leaving us, or the break-up of our marriage?

The bad news is that you are responsible.

The great news (the really great news) is that we have the choice and the power to make changes and to choose how we react to the things that happen in our lives.

The fact is that we attract to us all that occurs in our life. It is our thoughts that attract these things to us. So if you are thinking, as an example, the roads are so slippery, I hope I don’t have an accident, then by attraction, an accident comes towards you.

If you are worried about your relationship with your significant other – worried that it may not last, that he or she will cheat on you, then guess what. Whatever you are thinking about will happen.

So instead of worrying about things, give gratitude a try:

be grateful for what you have now;

be grateful for a sound car that is getting you safely and easily to your destination, and it will;

be grateful that you have a loving and close relationship with someone in your life, and they will continue to be loving and close;

be grateful for the money you have in your life, and more will follow.

I know this sounds rather fluffy and a starry-eyed, but I also know it works. Every time I ask for something I really want, and am grateful for what I already have, my desires come to fruition.

Start out with little things and build up to your great big wants. It is the small successes that will enable you to have confirmation that your desires can be fulfilled. This will lead to a greater conviction that you can have more of what you want.Then more of what you want is bound to show up.

Just ask.

Your wish is the Universe’s command!

Play

2011-07-19T17:37:00.000-07:00

Women enjoy playing. We like humour, we like fun, we like being outrageous, but if we are not in the safest of situations, we worry about ‘appearances’.

At a local women’s group, we recently had a young speaker who encouraged us to laugh, and the responses from the members were so positive I could not help wondering why we do not indulge in play more often. I don’t think we play nearly enough.

Our lives are busier than ever. There are children to take to dance, or soccer, or hockey or riding or baseball or any number of other extra activities. There are meals to be made, washing and cleaning to be done, dental or doctor’s appointments to be kept, business appointments, plus we need to be at our jobs outside our homes every day. Computers have added more stress, with e-mails demanding immediate attention and which are usually simply put aside to be dealt with later. I have a client who currently has over 6,000 e-mails in her in-box. Does that qualify as madness? No wonder we are more stressed than ever, and no wonder we often are completely overwhelmed with all the busy-ness in our lives.

My solution to stress and overwhelm is just to play more and have more fun.

If you are not sure how watch your young children. Kids really have a great sense of play. They run and leap and skip for joy. They pause and examine strange creatures on the ground. They watch the birds, the small animals and marvel in the colour of flowers. They can find fun in the simplest of things, and joy just in life itself. Kids are the experts on play. Watch a kid eat. That in itself is an adventure. Remember when you were young? Did you mound up your mashed potatoes into a hill, put a big cavity in the middle and fill it with peas and gravy and pretend it was a volcano? Did you put your peanut butter and jelly on the outside of your sandwich because it tasted better (and looked better) that way? When you were given sour cream for putting on baked potatoes, did you mix in food colouring in red or blue, simply to watch the rest of the supper party turn green?

So take more time for fun. You could spend time really looking at trees and birds and flowers. Not just casually, but deeply, probing the mysteries of all of these. You could try skipping (OK do it when no one is about, if you must.) You could indulge in some really creative food play. You could wear a red clown nose when driving. I can just imagine being stopped by the ride program when wearing a clown nose. Do you think the police would make me walk a line? Or would they actually realize I was just having fun. Or would they think it’s my real nose and it’s red from drinking too much? I would hope they would laugh and have a little fun themselves. I’m sure their jobs do not allow for much play, so hopefully I could provide a little light in their day.

Take time each day to have a little fun. Don’t know how? Ask the kids. They know!

Inspiration

2011-07-11T06:14:00.000-07:00

Inspiration for a writer comes from the every day, the unusual, the mundane and the brilliant. This is why I belong to a writers’ group. They are a group of very inspiring people. From our meetings, discussions and retreats I have plumbed new depths of my own creativity. Best of all, I have begun to recognise the extraordinary creativity in every person on this planet.

I am always astonished when someone says to me “I am not creative and I can’t do what you do.” I always encourage these people to say instead “I have not discovered how to express my creativity yet.” Everyone is creative, it is just that some do not realise their own power.

My greatest joy, however, is finding those golden, glowing nuggets of creative examples in every walk of life. My most delightful discovery recently is that of a young woman of twelve who produced a poem that literally blew me away. Jamie is a young person who has lived but a short time and has no lengthy experience with life on Planet Earth. I believe she taps into a much deeper wisdom.

I would like to share with you a poem that received an honourable mention in a local writers’ festival.

Fear

Fear is nothing, but fear is everything

Fear is invisible, but it can be seen

Fear is blind, but it stares at you

Fear is deaf, but it hears you

Fear can't smell, but it senses your blood

Fear can't taste, but it thinks you're delicious

Fear can't touch, but it can grab you

Fear can't breathe, but its heart still beats

Fear can't live forever, but it's always alive

Fear is small, but it's everyone's world

Fear is lurking but it can't be caught

Fear is me . . .

Look behind you

With thanks to Jamie Bennett for her permission to reproduce her poem here, and who has inspired me greatly.

Marilyn

Embracing Change

2011-04-18T05:13:00.001-07:00

Embracing Change

Not long ago, I was in New Jersey volunteering at a seminar designed to teach trainers how to be leaders. I have had the pleasure of seeing first hand, some incredible examples of how people change.

I am sure all of us have heard about the 80/20 rule. It is a relationship between those that do and those that do not in virtually any organisation, business or seminar.

In an organisation or business, about 20% of the people usually do about 80% of the work, and about 80% of the people do none.

The only real exception to this general rule that I know of, is that financially, approximately 5% of the people earn 95% of the money in the world.

Now it is quite possible that only 20% of the people in our world embrace change and actively seek ways in which to grow and refashion their lives.

Last week, I saw a huge number of anomalies to the 80/20 rule.

At the seminar I saw at least 90% of the attendees embrace transformation. They were people who stepped out of their comfort zones, and actively sought the change they knew would ultimately serve them well in their lives. They sat in the hot seats, they stood in the spotlights, they remained in the line of fire, because they knew that reshaping and revamping is what keeps us growing as human beings.

It is the pressure of change that creates greatness from chaos, and it was inspiring to see how many people were willing to do what it took to achieve that greatness.

Look around you and watch as others change, and let it inspire you to do the same.

Change is truly not something to be feared.

Consider an acorn. This little seed is put under pressure by water, sun and soil and goes through the chaos of germination to produce an oak tree. The most wonderful thing is that once through the chaos, the oak tree can never go back to being an acorn. We who have grown and evolved, can never go back to being less than we are now.

So embrace change, and you will always be moving forward, never backwards.

Oh by the way, the other anomaly I observed? That 100% of the volunteers at the course I attended did 100% of the work.

Marilyn

Yes, my Deer?

2011-03-31T04:48:00.000-07:00

My husband and I were travelling down the parkway near our home on a part of the road that was sparsely populated, with farms on either side of the 4-lane highway.

Out of the blue, a deer ran from the opposite side, across the median strip, made it across the lane next to the median, only to be faced with a possible collision with a mini-van in the inside lane.

Both the deer and the mini-van were about 80 to 100 yards in front of us. There was no time to even consider the grisly possibilities, when in an astonishing move, the deer leaped over the van, skidded slightly on the roof, landed on the other side, ran up the embankment and vaulted the fence into the farmland beside the highway.

I was stunned. I had never encountered anything like that before. It was such a joyous and magnificent moment that I could feel my heart soaring, just like the deer when it leaped.

It could have been so messy, but instead was an extraordinary event. That evening, I understood the deer had offered me a lesson ….. and what a lesson!

The fact is that all of us, when faced with a serious blockage in our paths, can simply choose to leap over that barrier, with ease, and keep on our paths with joy in our hearts. All leaping requires is faith in ourselves. Or, we can choose to run headlong into the barrier.

There are vast numbers of people who would tell you that when faced with a block in your path, simply plough through with courage and determination. This is such a highly regarded action that there are monuments erected and plaques and medals given to those who plough ahead, despite the fear.

Yet all too often, ploughing ahead can cause pain, grief and sometimes death.

Hmmmm. Monuments, medals and plaques? I don’t think so!

I choose leaping!

Marilyn

What Is A Leader

2011-02-28T19:36:00.000-08:00

During a recent seminar, the topic of leadership was raised, and the discussion that followed was quite lively. Here are some of the thoughts and ideas that came out of that discussion.

What a leader is not.

A leader is not your mom, taking care of all your needs and rushing to your rescue when you encounter a challenge or go astray. A leader is not your dad either -- the disciplinarian, the bestower of punishment, the one who pushes you to live up to his potential and the one who sets all the rules. Rules, I might add, that you are bent on breaking on a regular basis.

A leader does not lead through fear or intimidation, or sarcasm or guilt. A leader does not lead by begging either.

I remember, at one time, working for a sales manager who considered himself tough. No weakness would he ever show his staff. However, he confused being tough with being firm. He considered asking for opinions from staff as a sign of weakness. His favourite sales incentive program was the fire sale. Sell, or you’re fired! I eventually did get fired -- for not selling his way, a way that would not have worked for me. He conveniently ignored the fact that I had top sales in the department, and had increased the billings on my accounts by 75% in less than 10 months. He was so intent on being tough, he discarded a valuable asset to his firm.

Leaders are not born, they are truly made, and everyone has the potential to be a great leader. It does, however, entail changing attitudes and beliefs.

What a leader is.

I discovered one of the clearest visual explanations of how a good leader works best is to place a piece of string on a table top. I invite the person to whom I am showing this example, to push the string forward in a straight line. It is an impossible task. But, if you pull the string, it will follow wherever you pull it.

Leaders are those with a code of honour to which they adhere always. They walk their talk. They stand firm when it might be easier to give in, even though it would break their own principles. A leader knows that the worst person to betray is themselves. A leader asks nothing of their followers that they would not do themselves. Leaders have no double standards.

A truly great leader is colour blind, gender blind, racially blind and particularly blind to physical challenges.

There is a marvelous line in the movie “Seabiscuit”. “You don’t throw away a life, just because it got a little banged up.”

Great leaders believe that. They inspire trust, respect and a willingness to be involved with any project they head.

The ultimate fact is that fine leaders lead by their own inspired examples.

Marilyn

We're in Good Hands

2011-02-25T04:48:00.001-08:00

We can relax because the future is in good hands

Recently I attended a College of Management & Economics Student Association networking meeting.

This was their second networking event, whose intent was to bring the students and the community together to exchange ideas. This type of event gives students the opportunity to discover what opportunities lie in their community after they graduate, and gives busines people the opportunity to meet with their future employees and business associates.

It was a fascinating evening. These wonderful youg people are so full of hope and anticipation. They are filled with ideas and dreams and the successes they will achieve. It seems with every dream for themselves they have linked in a desire to give back. They are delightful, eager, juicy and bursting with life. These young people are our future, and I can tell you we are all in good hands.

Yes, they will make mistakes, but not the ones we made. Their’s will simply be learning experiences, because they absorb things faster and are completely cable-ready for our burgeoning technological society. They are not daunted by change, but challenged by it.

There are no doubt times when we seem wise and exciting to them, and other times when we seem slow and plodding.

We do have something that may help them. It is called experience. I am sure they will eagerly make use of it. I only caution all of us with older heads to give of our wisdom willingly, but refrain from expecting them to follow the same paths on which we trod. They have their own and they must follow where it leads them. We cannot possibly tread in their shoes, so must resist the urge to lay down laws and rules and insist that ‘our way is best’. Because it is not. It is merely another way, a different way.

If you sometimes suspect that time is rushing you by and you feel as if you are getting older far too quickly, spend some time with a U of G student. You’ll be young again before you know it.

Marilyn

Channelling

2011-02-23T16:44:00.000-08:00

I think I am channelling Isaac Asimov.

I have long been a great fan of science fiction, having grown up with Arthur Clarke, Douglas Adams, Poul Anderson, Ray Bradbury, Robert Heinlein, Anne McCaffrey, Andre Norton, .... good grief, this list could go on forever.

Each and every author gave me an opportunity to live extraordinary lives vicariously through their writing. Each one enjoyed a special place in my heart, and yet it was Isaac Asimov I suspect I adored the most. Not only was he incredible prolific, but his wicked sense of humour shone through many of his stories. I adored The Tales of The Black Widowers and wish he had written more of them. His puns were excruciatingly bad, but I always laughed when they hit me at the end of his short fiction.

I had the great fortune to be able to meet him when I attended an Advertising Research Foundation convention in New York, a number of years ago. What you ask was Isaac doing at an advertising research convention? He wondered the same thing during his keynote address to his spellbound audience. The conveners of the convention had asked him to speak about the future of advertising. Mr. Asimov admitted that whenever anyone, anywhere wanted to discuss the future of anything, they called on him. He had begun to think that his name and the word future were forever linked in the minds of men.

Did he talk about the future of advertising. I really cannot remember if he managed to bring in the topic of advertising, but he did talk about the future.

He often referred to himself as a lecherous old man. Of course, what he really was, was a great admirer of women -- women of all shapes, sizes and ages. It was one of the things about him that made him so compelling as a man. Even in his later years, with a haircut nearly as bad as that of Donald Trump, he was still attractive and extremely engaging.

I believe I have read and re-read everything he has ever written (with the exception of a few highly technical books), and as such I know I am channelling him.

If you re-read the previous blog I entered, and then read this quote from Isaac Asimov, you will know exactly what I mean.

"I write for the same reason I breathe - because if I didn't, I would die"
Isaac Asimov"

Marilyn

Why Do I Write

2011-02-21T13:00:00.000-08:00

I write because I breathe. Writing is such a part of this incarnation of me, that I would sooner stop breathing than put down my pen or turn off my computer’s word processor.

How I love that my muse never forsakes me. No matter where or when I am ideas flood in, full with colour, complete with dialogue and characters who demand their own lives.

I often find myself thinking of writing topics when I am driving and when recently I was mulling over my roots in South Africa, the visions of a story burst in on my thoughts. Thank goodness for voice record on my iPhone.

Perhaps to show you why I have such a passion for writing, I can share just a few sentences that exploded into my consciousness like verbal fireworks that day.

The scent of my Africa is a hot, metallic and musky taste upon my tongue, energetic, vigorous and bursting with life.

Africa is the dry and dusty edge of an ancient world filled with mystery and heralding the birth of man upon planet earth.

It is a land of flamboyant colours, all of which are mimicked in the exotic flora and fauna of this magnificent continent.

Sleek lionesses blend in with the tall yellow grassland, permitting them to stealthily approach their dinner. Their movements are so slight, that the merest sway of grass simply suggests a gentle but welcome African breeze, not the lithe approach of one who is seeking nourishment.

Spring time brings the fuzzy yellow blooms of acacia trees as if hundreds of soft downy newborn chicks were nestled in their branches. However, sometimes beauty comes with unexpected claws. Acacias have long, strong and vicious thorns, ready to sting the hand that takes liberties.

Late summer reduces life-giving water holes to grey, cracked mud where elephants can wallow in perfect camoflage. The cooling mud has the added benefit of reducing the annoying itch of parasitic insects on the hides of these magnificent creatures, who are in reality, the true kings of beasts.

The vibrant red of the aloe reflects the flash of brilliantly coloured wings of some Africa’s many birds.

As I dictated this last sentence into my obedient iPhone, I arrived at my destination, still basking in my enjoyment of my moments immersed in the veldt of Africa.

This passion for words and visions that I commit to print is the reason I know without reservation, that when I write, I am enjoying the necessary breath of life.

Marilyn K

Where Did It All Start?

2011-02-21T12:48:00.000-08:00

I was born at a very early age, a brand new page waiting to be filled with words. Almost from the begining I loved being involved in the creation of tales.

I remember sitting on the back steps of my home, conjuring up creepy stories about ‘green eyes in the bush’ with the little boy from next door. I managed to scare both of us so completely that he had to be escorted home by our cook, and I refused to set one foot out of the back door until the following day.

My efforts in high school were so deliciously painful that I even stymied my English teacher, who could never figure out where my writing efforts were going. She never quite understood my out-of-the-box ideas.

Many years and writings later, I am finally treading on my desired literary path.

Everything is grist for my mill; short stories, romance, horror, poetry and screen plays. Somehow it keeps ‘growing like Topsy’.

And thus begins my blog. Expect anything, anticipate nothing, and hopefully enjoy what you can.